USE YOUR WORDS
Verbal communication is a key within most relationships and situations. Sounding like a broken record USE YOUR WORDS is something that I often say to people of all ages. I do, sometimes, need to explain what a record is to members of the younger generation.
I am using the phrase in a positive way to encourage people to talk, thereby sharing their thoughts, ideas and opinions. I am hoping to empower others and encourage them to believe that their contribution is important.
When talking you are initiating contact with another person and showing an interest in them, thereby telling them that they are indeed worthwhile.
I am not aware of anybody who has Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) or an embedded crystal ball so when you are silent it is difficult to determine your thoughts. Yes, I know there are magicians who purport to be able to read the minds of others, however…..
Thus far I do not possess any magical power. While I have some experience in analysing body language and patterns of behaviour I cannot assume to know precisely what someone else is thinking or feeling.
Positives
Words are extremely POWERFUL – both what we say and how we say it will have an impact on others. I believe that it is most beneficial to start any communication with a positive statement. This ‘sets the tone’ for your interaction. I am not suggesting ‘manufacturing’ a falsehood but noting something positive about the person.
Starting a communication by blaming, criticising and judging, which are all negative, is likely to result in heightened emotions, conflict, feelings of rejection and sometimes worthlessness.
Coming home
You have experienced a rough day and are feeling very tired, looking forward to some peace and quiet. Upon arriving home you are bombarded by family members, especially young children. Negative behaviour, including slamming the door, ignoring a greeting and/or exploding is open to many interpretations and will undoubtedly cause unnecessary tension. Often children believe that they are to blame for your feelings and behaviour.
Instead, this is an ideal time to stop and breathe, give each person a brief hug while explaining that you are feeling tired and need a brief rest. Imparting a little information will dispel the idea that others have caused the situation and, simultaneously, increase awareness that we all experience a range of feelings – thereby teaching an important life skill.
All too often ASSUMPTIONS rule. An assumption means something that is accepted as true/will definitely happen – but without any proof. “When I slam the door they will know that I am tired”. Really!!! Your actions are open to a range of interpretations!
Thoughts and Opinions
It is essential to have ideas and opinions, however, failure to share these can be problematic. There are, however, some situations in which you might decide to limit what you say or choose to stay silent. This is most pertinent when words could result in an escalation of emotions or cause considerable conflict.
Sometimes people are ashamed or embarrassed to share their thoughts believing that their ideas might cause laughter, be unacceptable or differ from those of their peers. Staying silent can, however, be construed in many ways including a disinterest in the conversation, silent acceptance of a tenet or fear of interaction.
There are some people who have considerable difficulty expressing themselves verbally. In these situations I would suggest composing a letter describing your thoughts and opinions.
Asking Questions
All too often people miss some information but are reluctant to ask questions for fear of being seen as ‘STUPID’. In contrast I ask many questions to ensure that I have understood/ gleaned the necessary information. I see asking questions as a STRENGTH.
A number of years ago, pre-pandemic, I attended a Psychology Workshop to ensure that I understood the theory and strategies in a particular model. Hearing the conversation among my fellow psychologists I became aware that some had missed or misunderstood important information. Despite this nobody was willing to ask a question. Even though I had understood the material and felt confident using the tools I asked the presenter to clarify some aspects of the model.
Being Polite
I have noted some words are currently in short supply – these include please, thank you, sorry and excuse me.
At a bakery recently a young woman, with 3 young children, was in the process of telling the salesperson what she wanted. “I’ll have 6 of those and 4 of the others”. Standing next to her I whispered ‘please’ – having heard me she looked at me briefly and then added ‘please’. A smile then appeared on the employees face. How can children possibly learn manners and understand the impact of polite interactions when ‘magic words’ are omitted by their parents. After all it is parents who are the most predominant role models.
Indeed life is challenging and stressful, however, there are some small, simple steps we can take to have a kinder, more accepting world…..including interacting with others in a considerate and respectful manner.
No, I am not ‘splitting hairs’ or being a goody goody – kindness, politeness and a smile can brighten and lighten someone’s day….there is someone who acknowledges another person’s existence and believes that verbal interaction is welcome.
I am aware that this phrase is also used, frequently, by parents and educators – often in an attempt to encourage children to verbalize or, at times, to stop them hitting each other when angry or frustrated.
Take care, stay safe, remember that smiling and laughter are good for all of us.