Parenting

Being a Parent – 4

Worries in Childhood

Overheard – “I can’t believe that a child of 4 feels scared or worried” I beg to disagree. All children experience a range of emotions. It is essential to acknowledge whatever emotion a child is expressing as this encourages them to communicate whatever they are experiencing. Furthermore, you are imparting your belief that their feelings are valid and that you respect them.

Telling children that there is no need for them to feel nervous, scared, frustrated, angry etc is likely to result in the child suppressing their feelings and being less willing to share their emotions.

Worry is normal in childhood and can be present even in well adjusted children. Worries will differ depending on the child’s developmental age and, for some, become more frequent and intense as childhood progresses. While some worries dissipate others may dominate a child’s thoughts and behaviour. Every child is unique.

Worries originate from a range of sources including television, movies, books, games and the internet. In addition, parental warnings about police, witches or other scary figures taking the child away if they misbehave are likely to cause worries.

Technique to use for worries – The HugMe Tree

There are times when the use of a particular technique can assist to quell or ,at least, decrease, your child’s worries as well as help them to fall asleep more quickly and easily. Consequently, I am keen to introduce you to one of my favourite tools – The HugMe Tree.

The HugMe tree was devised by a therapist called Deborah Plummer. She describes the HugMe Tree as place which can be used by a child to off-load/hang their worries. Her focus is on encouraging children to utilize their imagination to assist with managing their worries.

I have adapted her technique – of course, with assistance from the children to whom I have introduced this tool.

Part 1 – To be read by a parent/grandparent or other significant adult

Please read slowly and quietly. Feel free to improvise/change the ‘story’…this is simply a guide. I suggest including the child’s name, throughout the ‘story’ as this will increase it’s effectiveness.

Please lie down on your bed and close your eyes. I want you to practice some slow breathing. Breathe in, now blow out hard through your mouth. (Approx. 3-5 times)
Now I want you to choose a cloud or flying carpet on which you can go on an adventure/journey. The cloud or flying carpet can be any colour and any shape – it is your choice. (Allow some time for the child to make a decision – it needs to be their choice)
Lift a finger to show me you can imagine your cloud/carpet – what have you chosen for your adventure?
Now you climb on board your cloud/carpet and you feel comfortable and safe.
Your cloud/carpet lifts you up gently. You feel so good being on your cloud/carpet that you can breathe even more slowly and deeply. (Practice the breathing a few times)
When you look behind your cloud/carpet you can see a stream of black dots… these dots are the worries you are leaving behind.
After a while the cloud/carpet brings you slowly down to the ground and places you in the most beautiful garden you have ever seen.
You look around and see lots of colourful flowers (you can choose to include the particular colours or not) there are yellow, red, pink, purple, white and orange flowers.
There are also many different fruit trees with some of your favourite fruit on them.
The sun is gently warming your body and you are starting to feel more relaxed.
The green grass tickles your feet as you walk around your gorgeous garden.
You watch the beautiful colourful butterflies flying around and see them settling on some of the flowers
You can also hear the birds chirping and calling out to each other.
As you look around you see a small pond with goldfish and there is a little waterfall from which water is flowing into the pond.
You can spend as much time as you want in your garden. You can choose to drift off to sleep now while picturing your wonderful garden or you can explore the area more.
Let me know what you have chosen to do – stay in your garden or continue to explore. There is no right or wrong answer – it is your decision. Stop here or continue to Part 2.

**SITTING ON MY CLOUD – LOOKING BACK I SEE A BLACK STREAM OF WORRIES** = I AM **LEAVING MY WORRIES BEHIND**

Following the initial implementation of this technique I recommend encouraging your child to draw/write a description of their cloud/carpet as well as their garden. Their ideas can then be included in the guided imagery. If you child prefers a beach that is certainly an option too. The focus is on a quiet, relaxing place where there is minimal activity to interrupt the process.

Part 2 – To be read by a parent/grandparent or other significant adult

Looking around you can see a small hill at the side of your garden
Because you are on an adventure you decide to climb the hill – so that you can see what is on the other side.
When you reach the top of the hill you look down into the valley and you see an enormous tree.
It is so big and reaches high into the sky.
You have never seen such a strong, enormous tree so you climb down the hill to investigate.
YAY. YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR SPECIAL HUGME TREE
Two options – a. The tree talks to the child and invites the child to hang their worries on it’s branches. OR b. you realize that this a special tree on which you can hang your worries.
The tree is soooo big that you can hang all your worries on it’s branches
You walk up to a branch, put one of your worries on it, take a deep breath and then give the tree a hug
Of course you can only hug a small part of the tree but that is ok
Then you find another branch and hang your worry on that branch (repeat this process a few times)
You can hang the same worry on each branch or choose different worries to put on different branches
Now you are feeling much better and calmer – you have left all your worries on the HugMe Tree. Well done
Feeling good you walk back up the hill. At the top you turn and smile and wave to your special HugMe tree
The tree looks as if it is smiling at you. (Avoid this step if necessary – use your discretion)
You walk down into the garden, feeling very relaxed……..you have left all your worries behind on your special HugMe Tree.
You climb onto your cloud/carpet to start your journey home.
You feel much more calm and are ready to sleep.
Thank you my special HugMe Tree.

You can choose to use part 1 or both parts… let your child be the guide. If your child falls asleep during the process YAY. Yes, there is repetition! You can also choose to record the technique.

Invite your child to draw their HugMe Tree the following day. They can then look at it or visualize it whenever they begin to worry or are experiencing difficulty falling asleep.